SKIN
I step forward
and shake from me
this role like an
ugly christmas sweater
given to me
itchy and unflattering.
Or rather shed it like the skin
a snakelet has outgrown
tight and constricting
painful and burdensome in its stricture.
Naked, I feel free
light
lighter
nearly buoyant
but under all of that
the old smattering of fear and doubt
as this old skin was all I’ve ever worn
and cannot be donned again.
Is choosing my family
a choice
or rather
the lack there of?
Is this role as noble?
Certainly it is less glorified.
No one acknowledges its wonder
or asks questions about its rewards
as it’s assumed there are few of notoriety.
Perhaps that is my own cynicism,
that part of me that feels a
traitor
to my feminist roots.
Do I need to turn in my badge?
Have I forfeited my right
to dream of
equality
safety
peace
now that I have
slithered back to my den?
Is there redemption in raising
stronger
prouder
braver
better men & women?
In raising a fortified
improved generation?
Is there not a need for soldiers
on the home front also?
Is there not glory in that sort of
desk job?
Is there not honor and respect
found in simply wearing the general’s uniform?
So I continue to feed
off the love, adoration, and fear
of my troops.
I raise them
nutritionally balanced
ready to stand up and fight.
I grow and stretch this
new skin
until the day I will shed this too
along with
all the doubts and fears
it is colored with.
FOR BEAR
And for the third time
today
those tears rush forward
those crocodile tears, they call them.
And what is it now,
this time?
Who’s to say, my dear.
My dear, you are much too fragile
for this world, I fear.
I fear
no tag will ever be soft enough against
your creamy white skin
and no shoe will fit your foot
“just right”.
No Goldilocks moments for you,
No mattress free of lumps
for the princess & the pea, my dear.
My dear,
how do I not worry
every day
that the world will not
crush you?
That frustrations and impatience
will not tear you down?
So I breathe deep,
breathe deep,
close my eyes
and breathe deep
and hug you hard and firm.
It’s the only answer I have
but apparently
the right one.
Anonymous
I relate to SKIN. Got a little misty-eyed, as the role of mom, and a SAHM at that, is practically spit on at times. Its frustrating and overwhelming at times, and many times in a good, stretching sort of way.
ADDIE, I guess I can say that its okay to not worry too much. Trust that she’ll find her place. I’m really “particular” in similar ways. I still have meltdowns over sensory things, but I’ve got a man that seems to know how to work through it with me, and a God that knows just what I need in the moment to get me through.