It has stemmed from the fact that this week my kids are coming home from VBS as 5 year olds telling me their version of what they have learned. I haven’t felt equipped to correct misunderstandings of the 5 year old mind or encourage and elaborate on these ideas. And attempting to do so has had me feeling mixed up inside- a bit hypocritical or 2-faced almost. Not to mention the laundry list of excuses I keep rolling out as to why I’m not going with to church this week.
Above all, what I had hoped to say is that is my goal to help my husband raise Christian children in a Christian house but remain true to myself as a non-Christian. It’s not about teaching my kids my beliefs. My husband isn’t some crazy God freak insisting his kids learn his way and beating me with switches while he’s pissing on homosexuals and shooting up abortion clinics. It’s not about what/how/why this is being taught to my kids, but more about how do I co-exist in this and not compromise my beliefs or lack of while supporting the education of our kids.
One of the things I love most about my husband is his spirituality. His belief in God, in the good and love of his Creator and his unwillingness to let others shame him or belittle him for his beliefs is one of the biggest things I admire about him. He is a good man who is teaching our children to be good children, raising them with hope and a strong foundation of love. I find it honorable. I have watched him as he has given his scarf to a cold, nearly frozen homeless man because that is what his God has asked of him- to love his neighbor. I have watched him as he has had the utmost patience with our children as I am slowly losing it some days because that is what his God has taught him. I have been the recipient of so much patience, honor and love because that is what his God has told him is important in loving a spouse.
Some might find it odd for a non-Christian to want her children raised differently than herself. I don’t know how to explain it I guess. I feel like Christianity provides a strong basis of morals, but it’s more than that. I think it provides a sense of hope. A comfort in times of trial. It’s something that I have always envied a bit, but cannot wrap my heart & head around. But why take that away from my kids? They will find out soon enough that the world can be a truly terrifying place where evil and awful things happen to people everyday. And though I might not believe that there is a place of reprieve from all of it when we die why not let them have that? I mean really, what do I know? And if by some chance Christians are wrong and there isn’t a heaven what have I really lost by letting my kids have faith in that? I will always be here in the future if they have questions or choose to explore other options. It’s not something we plan to force on our children. My husband isn’t going to be throwing bibles at them and raining down words of fire and brimstone- that’s not him and frankly, that’s not being a Christian. He will be raining down words of love, however. He will be supporting them no matter what f-ck ups they make in life just as he is loving me through all of my questions and struggle.
That was long winded, but I hope it helped. I still have so many questions and love the feedback I’ve gotten so far and hope to hear more from you.